So this is what a quarter-life crisis feels like

Are you able to tell that you’re having a quarter-life crisis when you’re smack dab in the middle of one?  I guess it’s comparable to someone having a heart attack, but not even be aware of it.  You suspect you are, but aren’t sure.  Then the symptoms start being more pronounced and obvious, and you can’t deny it.

Symptoms: depression, anxiety, fear, feeling like you’re lost, uneasiness and uncertainty about the future.  Feeling like I’m not where I’m supposed to be, that I’m supposed to be further along in my life.  Instead, I’m still stuck at the starting line.

It’s the uncertainty that gets to me.  When will I find a job?  What job will it be?  What’s going to happen?  I should be excited at not knowing; who likes a movie when you already know what’s going to happen right?  Just sit back and enjoy the ride.  Easier said than done.

Ask yourself: if you could go to any point of your life in the future, where would you go? I would fast-forward to the day I die, and I bet many others would too.  Yea you die, but at least you know!  I want to know when, how, why, who I saved by blocking that bullet, what disaster I prevented by pushing that button etc.  I need a Death Note, except call it a Life Note.  Let me write in how my life will turn out.  Boring I know I know, I’m the model accountant stereotype.

I have a friend who graduated almost 6 months ago, and at this point in time still hasn’t found a job.  If he suffers from the same QLC, then he’s hiding it well.  On the scale between optimist and pessimist, I’m most certainly closer to the pessimist side.  It’s not like I was born like that, but it developed slowly over time.  Little disappointments throughout my life left their mark, and being a pessimist was my way of dealing with them.

I’m not under any financial strain and my mother actually told me that she can lend me money to spend, god bless her heart.  Nevertheless I’m keeping my spending at a bare minimum.  However I’ve read recently that in hard times, it’s the little luxury purchases that keep your spirits up.  I see the logic.  Let’s see now…buy Dark Knight DVD in December.